Life after a broken off engagement can be difficult. Everywhere I go it seems like people ask me how I am doing. They want details, or the story. They even ask for an explanation. The most difficult part is that they are completely justified. I involved everyone I knew in the most personal and sacred event of my life. During this process so many people loved and served us selflessly. Sometimes I just want my own identity back. I wonder, will I always be associated with this event? Will my name always be a reminder of what was? Will I ever be known for something greater than my mistakes? Can I reinvent myself? Is there hope that someday my character can speak louder than my misfortunes? Sometimes I just want to run away to a place where no one knows my name. Where I am just a girl, blending into the crowd. A girl with no scars, with nothing to be embarrassed of, nothing to explain.
I hope that it doesn't seem as if I am not grateful for those who have shown love and genuine concern. From the bottom of my heart I appreciate all of those who have carried me through this month. But I do long for the day when I can simply be Nadia. Not the Nadia that almost married Kevin. Not the Nadia that wrote off her missionary. Not the Nadia who made this mistake, or that mistake, or said this, or did this. I just want to be me.