Sometimes I get the urge to blog about something. And I cannot rest until I say what I need to say. This is such an exciting time in my life! I have a 6 week old baby girl and as of Friday night, a FIANCE! And I fully intend to blog about these life events. But tonight, I am going to blog about Pinterest. Yup, PINTEREST!
I have such a love/hate relationship with this site. Before pinterest even existed I used to save images to my desktop, and I categorized them into folders (wedding, fashion, etc). So when this site was created I was thrilled! It was a way to organize images and ideas easily for future reference.
I'm sure men simply don't understand the appeal of this site. And understandably so! Mindlessly scrolling through and categorizing images. And it's true, if you really think about it it's silly. Pinning exercise regimens when we could be, well...exercising! Pinning recipes, 99% of which will never actually be created in our kitchens. Pinning crafts like crocheted baby flip flops... babies can't even walk people! Why do they need flip flops! And if they DID need flip flops, would crocheted flip flops even be functional?!
The part about this site that really concerns me is that I feel like it encourages coveting. One of the ten commandments. Millions of women lusting after the perfect kitchen, wedding, physique, wardrobe, the list goes on. But the truth for most of us is that it is out of reach, out of budget, out of realistic expectations. We pin pictures of perfect children, photoshopped and styled in designer children's clothing. While we should be paying more attention to our ACTUAL children.
I worry that this site is making us crazy. I spoke to a friend recently who wanted so badly to throw her one year old daughter a mermaid themed birthday party. In true pinterest fashion, the guests would be dressed like mermaids and partake in the PERFECT mermaid cake. But this wasn't in the budget for her and her family and this saddened her. Has pinterest set the expectations for picturesque parties? Long-gone are the days of a baby in nothing but a diaper sitting in a high chair clumsily devouring a piece of chocolate cake with a #1 candle? Is that no longer enough?
I recently had a friend come over with her newborn daughter. I admit, I felt jealous that her daughter was so well dressed. I got the impression that her daughters clothes were vintage, and from some expensive Etsy shop. She later expressed to me that she felt sad that she couldn't purchase designer baby clothes for her newborn. She would pin images of pieces from Baby Gap and wish she could purchase them. Instead she would scour thrift stores for pieces for her daughter. The very outfit I was coveting was $1 from a thrift store!
Don't get me wrong, I am addicted to this site. Especially since I nurse for 30 minutes every 3 hours. I can only stare at the wall for so long. I do cook some of the recipes I pin. I do listen to conference talks that my girlfriends have pinned. I do find interesting articles on parenting that I enjoy. But this is the exception, not the rule. Most of the time it becomes a blur of emaciated models, crafts, and dream vacations. I sometimes find that pinterest makes me unhappy with my home, my clothes, even my life. This doesn't sit well with me. I don't mean to imply that this site is evil. Everything in moderation right? I just worry that we aren't content enough with what we have. What we've been blessed with. We as women put enough pressure on ourselves. We are inclined to want everything to be lovely and beautiful. Even before we have our first child we feel the need to nest. Instinctively we want our children to have clean beautiful clothes and a warm space to live in. We do need any added pressure!
I have similar feelings about Instagram. We portray the idea that our lives are perfect, and to make it worse we have filters to eliminate any flaws. We envy each other, while surely others are envying us. I realize how hyprocritical this post will seem to those that know me personally. My friends and family call me the queen of Instagram. And I truly enjoy participating in Social Media. Again, it's a true love hate. I am simply recognizing the negative affects it sometimes has on me.
Not sure how to end this post. I'm hoping to create some discussion. After all, isn't that why we blog?
I am sitting here watching my daughter sleep. I already feel like the past 10 days have gone by too quickly. I have a feeling I am going to watch her grow in love and adoration and constantly wish it would slow down. I have been so incredibly blessed. No, I didn't plan to have Penelope. When I first realized I was pregnant, I thought my life was ruined. I thought there was no way I could provide for her. I thought she and I would be alone. I thought my dreams, and aspirations had come to a screaching halt. Now as I watch her sleep, and listen to her breathe, and my heart swells with the thought that I would literally die without her. She is such a kind and loving soul already. She loves to be held and cuddled. She only cries when we change her diaper, she just wants to be warm and swaddled all the time. Even when she cries the loud, red faced cry that we all know too well... I just have to lean in close to her ear and tell her it will be okay. She then calms down and everything is fine again. She let's me sleep through the night. Only wiggling and cooing when 3 hours have gone by and it's time to eat. Will this even-tempered, 6 pound 2 oz, baby remain this sweet forever? I don't know. I'm just so grateful for this time. I'm so proud to call her my own. She has my nose and long fingers. She smiles in her sleep. She has one dimple on her cheek, just like me. She loves windows, constantly searching for natural light. She is 10 days old, yet manages to be dainty and girly in every way. Just the way she rests her hand so delicately on her cheek when she sleeps. Or purses her lips when she is full. I thought she would ruin my life, but it turns out that she saved my life. She taught me about selfless, unconditional love. She taught me about service. I see the world through different eyes. I have more patience than I ever knew I could possess. I have sympathy and admiration for every woman and mother I see. I have a greater appreciation for my blessings, and the people in my life that serve Penelope and love her like I do. Because of sweet Penelope I know that God loves me. He gave me the greatest gift this life has to offer, motherhood.
This Saturday, my lovely friend Caitlin, her mom, and my sweet family threw me a baby shower. Caitlin kept most of the details a surprise, so when I walked in to this shower I was amazed by what she had created! All of the crafts done by hand, all of the delicious sweets, it was too much. She themed the shower around some of my favorite colors, rain showers, and baby girls nickname "little bird." Not sure where that came from. Lately I've been thinking maybe we should call her big bird! I am getting huge! It was such a perfect day. Everyone played a part in making this day special. All of the sweets and presents, I could hardly handle it. When all was said and done, my car was filled to the brim with diapers and wipes and tutus to where I could hardly see out my rear-view mirror and I wept! I am so grateful for all of the love and support. And to think, at one point I worried that my baby wouldn't have everything she needed. I have been so blessed. Thank you to Stacie Lang for taking these gorgeous photos of the day. (And also making me laugh so hard that I peed my pants twice). Thank you to my mom for individually wrapping up about 5 dozen Bosa donuts and adorning the packages with pink bows. Thank you to my sisters for bringing sandwiches and drinks and helping with every little thing. Thank you to Caitlin and Camille for hosting! Thank you to all of my friends for coming early, setting up, and spoiling us with gifts. I am the luckiest girl, and little bird is even luckier.
Saturday we finally moved into our house by the Mesa Temple! I have been so excited and anxious about this move. Most of my family had a conflict on my moving day, so I had to reach out to friends for help. Especially considering I cannot lift much while pregnant! I posted a status on Facebook asking for help moving. I wasn't sure what kind of response I would get, if any. I simply promised donuts. When Saturday arrived I woke up, still not knowing exactly what would happen. I had the whole house pretty much packed up in boxes (thanks Ernest!) and I was ready to go. I was amazed at what happened next. 14 people ended up helping throughout the day. I had more people offer to help, I ended up declining help because we had it all covered! I share this with you because I was so overwhelmed with the kindness of my friends, and some near acquaintances that came to my rescue. What a blessing! Special thank you to Skyler and Jessica for insisting that I cancel my Uhaul reservation and use their truck and trailer instead. I have such wonderful people around me. Also, shout out to Ernest for packing up most of my apartment for my while I was stuck at work. He is so wonderful.
Yesterday I met with the Pediatric Urologist (FINALLY)! This was the long-awaited appointment to finally make a treatment plan for baby girl. After many ultrasounds the various doctors have nearly narrowed down the problem to kidney reflux. An obstruction of the kidneys is unlikely, because it is in both kidneys. He said her specific case shifted from mild to moderate in severity. He plans to run a couple of tests on her as a newborn to diagnose her officially. Then we will most likely proceed with antibiotics for up to two years to prevent infection while we hope and pray that this condition goes away. If it does not, we'll proceed with surgery to correct the issue. She'll be left with nothing but a small scar on her lower abdomen. It's hard to think of my sweet two year old going under for surgery, but whatever she needs she will get. The good news is that she will be just fine. That's a blessing!
I have seven weeks until I deliver, assuming I go full term. I had a dream that I delivered two weeks early but maybe that's just wishful thinking. Baby is 4 pounds and the size of a pineapple! At this point in my pregnancy I am feeling pretty good. I could sleep all day/night if my schedule permitted it. By the end of the day walking is painful. I enjoy soaking in a bath or elevating my feet. I have been craving salty things like chips and popcorn. I am excited for my upcoming baby shower that Caitlin has been slaving away on. It is going to be darling. I am also excited to decorate my nursery! Baby girl is already so spoiled.
How can you be homesick for a place you've never been? I admit, I have Paris on the mind. I recently watched An Education (for the millionth time) and got that feeling I know all too well. I want to incorporate a little French flair into the nursery, if possible. Her nursery is COVERED in this vintage floral wallpaper, and has a chandelier hanging. The wallpaper is a bit much... one of the quirks of living in a 60-70 year old house. But I might just try and own it.
Yesterday I went and registered for my baby shower. It was super fun and equally overwhelming. It's hard to know what baby will need, and what is just fluff. I left feeling super excited for her arrival. I can't believe I'll be holding her in 9 weeks!
Ernest and I decided to take a baby-moon (of sorts) and go to Disneyland for Valentines day! Even though I couldn't ride most of the adult rides we had the most magical day. We rode all of the nostalgic kids rides, ate TONS of delicious Disney foods, and just enjoyed each others company. I have been soaking up every minute I can with him because soon there will be a little one in the mix.
This is a shot of my new hair cut, color, and 29 week baby bump.
Yesterday I had my ultrasound to check on baby girl's kidneys. I brought Ernest with me. He loved the experience just as much as I did. Little girl was putting her leg behind her head during the ultrasound, yoga star! She also was pouting out her bottom lip at one point. I have a feeling she is going to be a sassy one. Her kidneys haven't improved and the specialist seems to think that it is Reflux. This means that the kidneys aren't draining the urine properly, and it is re-entering the kidneys causing dilation. The next step is to visit a Pediatric Urologist at 35 weeks to make a treatment plan. Baby may need a small operation once she is born, or she may just be put on antibiotics to prevent kidney infection. But we will just have to wait and see. Prayers are much appreciated in the home stretch!
I admit, pregnancy has been hard on me. The aches and pains, mood swings, nausea, migraines, body changes.... I feel like I have lost control of everything! But more than that, I have been struggling on the inside. Feelings of inadequacy can be all consuming at times. So many nights I have cried myself to sleep feeling that this baby deserves better. She is a special daughter of our Heavenly Father and she deserves the world. I know that Satan would have me feel inferior, incapable, unprepared. Last night I knelt and earnestly prayed for comfort, support, and love. I want to see myself the way God does. I want to know that he has sent me this beautiful little girl because he knows I can do this. All I know is I do love her. I know I would and will do anything to protect her, and provide her with all of the happiness this life has to offer. I will stop at nothing for her. Last week Ernest and I got to hear the heartbeat again. It was wonderful to have him there with me for that special experience. He lit up at the sound of her heart, as I always do. Even though he isn't the biological father, I am so lucky to have his support and unfailing optimism. It really takes a special person to do what he does. In a couple of weeks we have the ultrasound to check on her kidneys, and tomorrow I have my glucose test. YIKES! Wish me luck!
Here is some eye candy for you!
A lot of my friends, family members, and followers have been asking questions about baby girl. I decided this would be a great place to dish the dirt! Little one is doing great. I have an ultrasound in about 6 weeks to check on her kidneys. Prayers are appreciated until then. I am nervous but I have faith that it will work out.
I am 22 weeks along, almost 23 weeks.
I have gained 11 pounds! Yikes. But Doctor says that's PERFECT.
I feel her kick every day. Especially when music is playing or if I'm in the bath tub.
Feeling great. Nausea and head aches are minimal.
My back hurts, always. But that's normal.
My best friend Caitlin and I have been going crazy with ideas for the baby shower. I know it's a bit premature, considering the shower is the end of April. But we can't help ourselves.
I've been going a little crazy shopping for her. I have no self control. How do you pass up a ruffled pink swimsuit that fits a newborn?!
Now for the big questions.....
No we will NOT be naming this baby girl Coco. It is a nickname that started because of the Coco butter I'm constantly lathered in. Her real name will be a surprise. For now, feel free to call her Coco. Everyone does.
Early in the pregnancy I considered adoption. But as time passed, I prayerfully decided to keep little bird. I love her too much to let her go. Thank you for your support and love as you have helped me navigate through these tough decisions. For those of you who suggested families hoping to adopt, I pray that they have miracles in their lives very soon.
Valentines day is just around the corner! My heart can't handle all the love this year. I am so excited for what is to come. I want this one to be extra special. These images made me smile this week!
1.) tights from Wunway
2.) cashmere from Jcrew
3.) pink popcorn
4.) little tee from Zara
6.) Valentines from Bubby and Bean