^spotted on Etsy

"with the loss of a dear one, he deepens the bonds of love, enriches memories, and kindles hope in a future reunion"

That is an exerpt from a conference talk that Braeden emailed me one time. I'm pretty sure the Apostle who wrote this was referring to the death of a loved one. But when I read this line I thought of my missionary to be.

Today my mom got out of jail. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I feel guilty that I am not happier. I am just consumed with the stress of questions like "where will she work" and "how can she possibly catch up on her bills"

I also feel guilty that she and I haven't spoken a word to her in months.

Today a dear friend told me something harsh, that perhaps I needed to hear. He told me that I only recieve one mother, and that God gave me her for a reason. Part of me wanted to respond with something like "yeah, but you don't know my mom..."

But he holds the priesthood and I trust his words. I need to be better. I am constantly humbled by my imperfections but I hold on to the one positive... I want to be better. Which is more than some can say I guess.

I apologize that my blog is often a journal containing things too personal for the public. But I like to type, and I like feedback. A personal journal is isolating to me. So here I am. Skip if you'd like.


Love Cami. said...

one thing that i've noticed in my life, which has been full of hard times and tears, is that people really are in our lives for a reason, and we have to look past all the anger and pain, and see the good. if not for them, for ourselves and our well being. i know it's so easy to say that when im on the outside looking in, but i also know that it's helped me find peace within myself.

{heart} you.

Malia said...

nadia I don't know you at all, so take this with a grain of salt.

but I think these things take a lifetime to learn.

I've learned it's okay to feel upset, confused, or distant at times. It's part of the process, and experiencing my very non traditional LDS family is still teaching me that.

hang in there.

Grami Tami said...

Ouch baby. Way ouch.