12/11/12

My little one.

Well, secrets out. I'm expecting a little one Spring 2013.

My original plan was to keep this news a secret until January 7th when I find out the gender of the little one. (We assume it's a she, and we call her Coco). Unfortunately you can't always get what you want. Turns out rumors of my pregnancy spread like wildfire. Which shocked me because I only told my few, and closest friends. I admit I felt betrayed. But we all love a hot piece of gossip I guess. So in an attempt to stop the rumors, and cling to my remaining dignity I announced! The response was overwhelming. Hundreds of "likes" and comments and messages and tweets... isn't social media incredible? You post one picture and your world stops. I was pleasantly surprised by the outpouring of love and support I received. You all know who you are. I love you. I truly love you. I was offered a place to live by several of you. I was offered babysitting. I was offered a shoulder to cry on. I was offered Priesthood blessings. I was offered advice and support. I am so blessed you guys.

Unfortunately however, my announcement only fueled the gossip. It's fascinating to me that people care so much. I guess I should be, or could be, flattered (?) Friends of mine receiving text messages like "who's the father" and "does she even have a boyfriend?" I get it. I come out of no where, a vocally #stillsingle, Mormon, pregnant girl. It's shocking! Trust me my dears, it was shocking to me as well. I like to think I am a good person. I am an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I DO believe that sex is appropriate only within the sacred bonds of Marriage. I do attend church on Sundays. I do have a Testimony of this Gospel. I love it with my whole heart. I MADE A MISTAKE. Simple as that. Not to say my precious little baby in the making is a mistake. But yes, sex before marriage is a mistake. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. It complicates relationships. It confuses feelings of the heart. It creates a distance between you and your Heavenly Father. It offends the Spirit. It makes you feel cheap. It's simply NOT WORTH IT. Wait for marriage. Wait for that one person you trust, and love, and spend the rest of your life with. That's the person you share intimacy with. He/she is worth the wait. If you've already started having pre-marital sex. Stop. With the help of your Savior and your loving Bishop, just stop. You will be blessed.

Many of you have asked what I intend to do with my child. I am being prayerful at this time about the correct course of action. I have prayerfully considered adoption. I've also prayerfully considered raising this little one, alone. Scary I must admit. But I know in time, my Heavenly Father will help me make the best decision for my sweet Coco. I hope I have your continuing support as I simply DO MY BEST. If you are curious, or are tempted to Gossip (despite this incredibly exposing blog post), PLEASE CONTACT ME. Not my friends. Not my exes. Contact me. I don't bite. Let's talk!

xo,
Pregnant, single, Mormon girl.

PS: special shout out to my loving family. Also my Ernest. And My Caitlin. Thank you for letting me cry on your shoulder night after night. Thank you for your patience with my nausea and sensitivity to smell. And migraines. And moodiness. I love you guys so much.

32 comments:

Molly Belle said...

I love you Nadia. I feel so much more human after reading your post. Sometimes it's frustrating to see how so many of my peers who I admire seem to follow all of the commandments so effortlessly.
You are so beautiful and I have so much respect for you. When I saw the picture of your little bump, my heart grew heavy because I know enough about you that I could imagine (only imagine) all of the overwhelming emotions and fears you must be experiencing, being a lovely single pregnant mormon girl. There is so much pressure in our society and in our church's culture to get it all right. I want you to know that you are still a missionary to me. You still strengthen my testimony of the gospel and you've reminded me that my mistakes and weaknesses don't make me a leaper. Because you are still so beautiful; and you still glow. I hope the spirit continues to comfort you and help you through this. With sincere love, Molly

Jessica Roussel said...

we love you nads. pregnant binge eating to follow. <3

larry reeves said...

Great post Nadia! I hope the best for you. And...if you decide on adoption, I know a loving family that would love to adopt another.

Jenna said...

Nadia, you are amazing! I was really inspired by this post. I hope the gossip will stop. It's very hurtful, I know.

Colton Dyer said...

Hey Nadia, I admire your courage to come out and set the record straight. I do not believe that was easy for you. I know it wasn't easy for me when my friends would ask about my sister when she was pregnant at such a young age (she was 19, I was almost 16). I just didn't know what to say, but I really think takes to overcome your fears. My sister ended up giving the baby up for adoption. It took a very long time but, according to her, she managed to find "just the right family". It was not easy for her and she struggled many times over about that decision. Her boyfriend at the time, completely up and left her, claiming it was her fault, that she purposely got pregnant, etc. All my sister had to fall back on was her family. So after many tearful prays, she finally got her answer. After she had the baby, the BF came back to her, asking her not to go through with it, that they could raise it together, making her decision even harder. It was a closed adoption, and she wanted Alexis, to have every opportunity that she may not be able to give her at the present time, one in particular- being "entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity" (family proc). So she gave Alexis to this family, that could not have children. She honestly never expected to see her again, and it was probably the most difficult decision of her entire life... but it wasn't the end. about 6-7 years later, my best friend was serving his mission in Milan, Italy. He was stationed in a town that also had an American air base, so they occasionally had american members there. Well this one family in particular would be stationed there for about a year. They asked my best friend if he and his companions would come teacher their daughters Itallian, and of course, he agreed. When they arrived, he introduced himself about where he was from. They asked if he knew my sister, and he said "yes, she is my best friends older sister!". He wrote back and let my family, especially my sister, that he was teaching Alexis. My sister, being the smart girl she was, knew the first and last name of the man who adopted Alexis, and goverment email address are always firstname.lastname@so-and-so-base.us.gov -- so she wrote an email to him asking if it would be okay to keep in contact. A few later my sister ended up finding a worthy man to take her to the temple and she invited the parents of the family that adopted Alexis to attend, and they did. A year later or so, she actually got to meet Alexis for the first time in 11 years! I actually had the privileged to meet my niece who adopted a few months later. I only felt like sharing this to give you hope and confidence, that the Lord does guide us, and is intimately entwined with the details of our life. If you want someone to talk to about the family perspective, I am open ears. I have seen the pain, tears, heartbreak, fear, hate, love, and joys that come from a single pregnancy. Know that your family, and friends that love you will fully support you in whatever decision that you make, and those that would judge you, or talk down about you, do not matter anyways. I wish you the best of luck, but more importantly the sensitivity to the spirit to be guided. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Colton D

p.s. its a sad I dont live closer! I would love to hang out and get ice cream together. Glad to have met you in San Diego.

Rebecca said...

I hate that people can be so rude sometimes... I'm glad your testimony is still strong. You are handling the situation with an awesome amount of grace. You are an adorable preggo girl and I know that little baby will be even more adorable (if it's possible). Cheers, and here's hoping and praying for a safe pregnancy, a healthy mommy and baby, and the comfort of the Holy Ghost as you make life's big decisions. :)

sydnee said...

NADIA. it takes so much strength and courage to be so open about your life. im so impressed with you on so many levels, you are a great example to so many. we all make mistakes and i truly believe it is how we deal with the outcome that shows the type of person we are. stay strong and keep your chin up and don't forget how many people love you, pray for you, and always wish the best for you!

Mary Dawn said...

I've said it once and I'll say it again. You're strong and amazing and beautiful and I want to be you when I grow up. Thanks for your example nads. We will be out there to see you as soon as humanly possible. Love love love you.. And coco. :)

maryn said...

I know we don't know each other very well but I wanted to tell you that I admire your courage and your faith. You have a good head and tender heart. I wish you nothing but the best through whatever may come

Courtney from The Beauty Mark said...

You're truly amazing. Proud to know you.

Julia said...

Nadia, you don't know me AT ALL, but I love your blog. What an awesome and brave post. You are a badass. Good on you for openly admitting your mistake and bluntly asking for simple compassion. So many times, that's all we want, but are too frightened to ask for it, so we end up defensive and angry instead to cope. You get it girl. When my cousin got pregnant at fifteen, my (extremely conservative, southern) mother said, "Don't you ever let anyone say that bringing a baby into this world is bad. Babies are always good." I know so many stupendous families who are chomping at the bit to adopt, so feel comfort knowing that route is a good one if you take it.

kristine [kristine. or polly.] said...

Nadia, I admire you so much for your strength, grace, faith, courage, and complete beauty inside and out. I know I kind of barely know you, even though I've been reading your blog/twitter/facebook/etc for YEARS now... but I know you have such a beautiful heart and whatever decision you make will be the right one. You are amazing, and I hope you never doubt that. <3 kristine

Katie said...

Nadia - I am in awe of your amazing attitude. I feel something of your heartache as my sister-in-law went through a similar experience. I'm glad you have close people who love you to help support you through all of this. It isn't easy, whether you keep the baby or not. But once Heavenly Father lets you know what you need to do, peace will come from following it. I am praying that you find peace and happiness, and know that I think you are still as awesome as ever. Don't ever think less of yourself, and only think about what you do have control over.

And I know we aren't close or anything, but I would love to help in any way. Seriously.

Paul and Andrea said...

Nadia,

We are touched by your faith and courage. We will be praying for you and little Coco!

Love,

The Allen's

Court said...

amazing post. you're right, we all make mistakes! the best thing to do is repent and move on. that sweet little baby growing inside of you is no mistake and is the most incredible thing in the world. enjoy being pregnant, enjoy feeling the little human inside you! i think we have a lot of mutual friends! and your dad is in my ward! i live down the street from the temple and have a little 3 month old boy. if you ever want to chat- or hang out by the temple, we love visitors! :) courtneyhowden(at)gmail(dot)com

Jennifer said...

Nadia! I know we don't know each other very well but just want to also reach out and tell you I'm thinking about you! And that I know Heavenly Father will help you through this time. Babies really are such a little miracle and you are a cute preggo girl! Seriously very cute!
Love from Chicago,
Jen (Bloomfield) Mooney

MaMaMaMandy said...

You are simply amazing Nadia. I know we've talked about this, but I will forever say this until I'm blue in the face- when you come to The Lord with the feelings of your heart, He will guide you to the best course of action. My sister went through giving up a baby for adoption and I'm certain that was the hardest thing she has ever had to do! Don't worry about what people say- this is between you and The Lord. I am here for you. Love you, girl!!

Emily said...

Nadia,
I have to hand it to you. You have handled this with a remarkable amount of grace and for that, I admire you. Life is difficult, simple as that. But it would sure be a lot easier if everyone had your positive disposition and resilience. Don't question this, you've got it under control. You're a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father who only cares about your happiness.

Sending my love and good vibes you way!

Anonymous said...

Nadia,

What a tremendous obstacle you have had to endure. I can recall not long ago being in a somewhat similar situation. I would like to add my voice to the many other people that have love and respect in their hearts for you by saying, all is well. The Lord knows the intentions and desires of your heart. I know this to be true because I have witnessed it in my life. Coco is very blessed to have you as a mother. The next few months that you spend together will be unforgettable. Whether you decide to keep her (or him) or adopt, she will be instilled with your beauty, your grace, your charm, your mind, and most of all your heart. How very fortunate for her. I realize that I may not be able to offer as much as the others that are closer to you, but what I can offer is another friend to add to the so many that you have acquired over your lifetime. You have a sweet spirit and your positive attitude is contagious. Remember Nadia, your friends and family will do anything to satisfy your needs. May our Father bless you with composure during this trial of Faith.

R. Fair

Colby and Jessica said...

Its only human to want to know the answers you have questions about with other peoples business. Although like you said I should wait for marriage, there are sooooo many worse things than an unplanned pregnancy. In all honesty being lds and having this as a trial and living up to it makes me love you so much more Nadia! I cried when I found out a similar thing happened to a friend and she went another way about it because she was scared of the backlash from her parents ward friends etc. I witnessed my sister go thru this and I even had friends that said mean things to me about her actions. Its okay to cry whenever you want! Also those hormones with help with that anyway! Haha. I would take this as an amazing opportunity to show girls you are living up to your mistakes and you can still live the gospel and strive to be better. My mom gave a baby up for adoption and years later he comes to birthdays and holidays and we love him just the same. After having two babies. I'm not sure I could do that. You'll know in you're heart what's best. You have a great family supporting you too!

s.s. bazodi said...

Nadia, I have always admired you from afar (I totally cyber stalk you girl-keep updating your blog, because I love it). It's time for me to speak up to you about my admiration. You live with such incredible honesty and grace and beauty. Honesty is so rare!!! You inspire me! Thank you for being an amazing example of what the gospel is really about; love, forgiveness and faith.

Daryl, Natalie and Sadie said...

Nadia, thank you for your words. What you said was completely amazing. I hope as a single mother never married, mormon myself, that people knew more of the things that happen with the mistake of sex before marriage because it is usually an unspoken topic. You put it perfectly and are an example. Wishing the best of luck for you and CoCo!
Natalie

Jenna Robert said...

Oh my dearest Nadia, I love you with all of my heart. I've got your back no matter what you decide, but in the meantime I just am dying to see you with a cute pregs belly. Ah! Its killing me that I'm not there.

Nickystix23 said...

love your post! and we all make mistakes but like you said we have our bishop and Heavenly Father who are there to help us and love us so much! you are an amazing woman! i have a friend who was in this same situation about 8 years ago and she decided to keep her baby girl and is raising her. i know it's not easy for her but she is doing such a great job! i know you will make the right decision for you and little coco. it takes a lot of courage for you to post what you said and i am grateful you did. you have an amazing attitude and so much strength! i know the spirit will guide and lead you. you are an amazing woman with an amazing spirit! love you! remember that you are a daughter of God and He loves you unconditionally no matter what happens. Merry Christmas!

brooke: said...

I'll admit it, I texted someone asking what the FREAK was going on. But this same thing happened to one of my very very best friends, so I am in NO WAY judging. I think you're a really incredible, and it was super (pardon my french) bawlsy of you to announce it and put it out there for everyone to grab hold of and run with. I really really really respect you for that. I wish you the best in the following months of this adventure :)! Also, I didn't know you had a blog until now so i'm totally going to stalk the whole thing. You know how that goes :) Best wishes babe!

kelsey bang said...

nadia! your amazing! you are the cutest prego ever! can I come to your baby shower?! I love you!

Paige said...

Nadia,

Okay, you don't know me in the least and I don't know you but I found this post and love it. Just reading your blog post has touched my heart and I have so much respect for you and your honest sincerity. I can only imagine how hard your upcoming decisions are going to be, and from a random girl up in Utah, I'll be praying for you :)

I just wanted to let you know that I have some amazing friends who are looking to adopt right now. They are so much fun and will be incredible parents someday. They are adorable and so excited to have a family of their own. Just wanted to put in a good word for an awesome family you could place your Coco with. Their names are Brad and Emily Marsh. Brad grew up in Mesa, so there may possibly be friend connections there. Their blog is http://bradandemilymarsh.blogspot.com/ if you want to check them out.

If adoption is the right choice for you and Coco, I believe that it would help you to have peace during this difficult transition, knowing Coco is with a loving, gospel-filled family, like Brad and Emily can provide. I am so happy that you have such a large support group. Best of luck Nadia.

Arianne said...

Nadia,

I know you probably don't remember me, but I really admire your courage and candor. I don't live in AZ anymore, nor do I keep in touch with basically anyone who knows you, so the picture of your bump was the first knowledge I had of your pregnancy. I admit I was a bit confused, but since I only keep up with you via social networks (insta, fb), I knew I had missed something.

You are very brave to admit that you made a mistake...it must be very, very, very difficult to have to admit to one as obvious as this. I know that when my brother and his wife (then gf) found out she was pregnant, they each had a hard time communicating with their friends about it. My brother shut himself off from most of his friends, and probably a lot of support he could have received. They are now happily married with two children whom we all love so much!

Also, I love how eloquently you wrote about how you still believe sex before marriage is not ideal. You clearly have your head on straight. I wish you all the best in your future, wherever this life leads you.

...p.s. glad to hear your neaseua is under control...I, too had a problem with pizza (Spinato's included) and burgers when I was pregnant.

Winnie Chu said...

I know I'm probably one of the last and most unexpected people to offer help and support, but if you ever need anything and the 28 other people who commented on this aren't available, just message me! I'm sending you my best wishes with everything!

_radrach said...

We have some mutual friends, but I don't think we have ever formally met...so I hope this comment isn't too random. I read this and tears filled my eyes. For someone who didn't owe any of these gossip-ers an explanation, you sure gave a beautiful and eloquent one. Congrats on little Coco, I don't know a whole lot but I do know in my own challenges and mess-ups and struggles and tearful nights, i've learned that all you can sometimes do is trust God. It'll all work out how it's supposed to. in the meantime, From one single Mormon mistake-making human to another, know you're loved. and awesome. and you look very cute pregnant.

Anonymous said...

WHO IS THE FATHER?? I'm sorry but I'm dying to know...

Megan Engler said...

After reading through your blog I have fallen in love with your story. You are extremely courageous and I know Heavenly Father is proud of you. Congratulations on the birth of your sweet baby girl, she looks absolutely precious! You are truly an inspiration and I love reading our pregnancy journey. With love, Megan