7/2/09

sleep, no sleep.

Please forgive my late night (well technically early morning) rant. Being "single" has forced me into situations where I'm making new friends and reuniting with old ones. Isn't that significant other quite the security blanket? I feel so naked without him... Like going to work and forgetting your cell phone. But all of these experiences have been amazing. I've learned and conversed with interesting people. And I've gotten to know my friends on a deeper level. And in turn I'm learning a lot about myself. Maybe in a sense, having a steady boyfriend is somewhat crippling. I shut my eyes to those around me. But in one of these conversations a friend and I got to talking about gender. How women think with their hearts, irrational and emotional. And how often times men think somewhat logically, but often sensually and insensitively. It's human nature. "Men are from mars, women are from venus" type-a-thing. I hate the cycle of dating that I've observed. Men want one thing, and if a woman gives it up she's "trashy" or "easy." If she doesn't, she's afraid to appear "boring" and he loses interest. And both genders don't want to seem to eager in the beginning, so they don't show any interest at all. But where does that get you? Everyone pretends to be indifferent in order to protect themselves from rejection. But I can finally understand why my single friends are so frustrated with dating. Insecurity is a turn off. But confidence is portrayed as arrogance. If you are too righteous you are "molly-mormon." And why do girls in their early twenties start to feel like old un-married hags?! These are topics that fascinate me. I do take into account that some of my friends are almost into their thirties and aren't married. And also that I've lived in the gilbert bubble too long..

6 comments:

Binz said...

AH! I am glad someone finally understands what I think. For the first time in pretty much my life I have been "single" for almost a year now. The first six months were the hardest and I struggled as I realized I really lost myself in a relationship. Its amazing the transformation you can make though if you devote your energy to discovering the "real" you. Although at times the "single life" can be hard, it is something that spurs the growth of your inner strength as a woman. I could not have asked for a better life lesson than falling madly in love and having to deal with picking up the pieces after it fell apart (at times while the whole world watched...well at least thats how I felt!) Anyways enough ranting! I love you Nads and I hope you know that you are not alone in this!!

kate lines said...

i really didn't like those games. i feel like when i met landon it was a breath of fresh air because he was honest with me, he told me how he felt, he never played games, and showed me i didn't have to either. up until that point it was all games, and like you said, its hard for it not to be, because you either "trashy, molly mormon, arrogant, or boring". why are we constantly labeled and labeling others? and i liked what you said about the gilbert bubble... sometimes i feel like its worse here. (and there i go with the labels!)

i can't begin to imagine your life right now though, just know i think your aaaaaamazing. would a thrifting saturday help? :)

Caitlin said...

can i get an amen?! i think this is amazing for both you AND buzz, because by the time he gets home from the mish you guys are both going to be SO much better off, have a true sense of who you both really are and be so ready to dedicate everything to each other. as crappy as it sounds, it truly is a blessing to love someone so much and then "lose" them whether temporary or not. i know i've learned so many things from my break up that maybe i never would have otherwise. definitely an eye opener. p.s. you are amazing and a fantastic example of faith. i admire you!!

nadia shea said...

Girls you are so amazing! I literally came here to delete this post. I woke up and I was really embarassed about it. Maybe I won't! I'm so relieved that I am not alone in this.

nadia shea said...

Oh and ps kate a thrifting saturday would definitely help! But wherever you are this weekend remember it's goodwill 50% off day!!

Stephanie said...

I agree on this prolly about 110%. its a tough situation in life I have decided. most people go through with it. its tough but it will be sooo so worth it in the end. this time can be a time for you to prepare yourself and have so much more experiences and make a difference in peoples life. it is weird how if you have a boyfriend you are so absorbed in that relationship to the point where others around you sort of disapear. i hate that but somehow it happens. but now is such a good oppurtunity to make a difference and be there for those you havent committed yourself to in a while who need you.